Bla

Knot in my chest I want to carve it out I want to live, be immortal But only without The self perception That is my demise I want to feel and to love Get rid of the disguise That keeps me sane And for all I know, breathing I've never tried life without it Isn't that what is living? I want to die of shame I want to forget I want to kiss you again I want to remember Pull out a butter knife To slit my wrists Step in front of an unmoving train Overdose on naturapatic pills I want to die performatively My fake suicidal tendencies Breaking through the familiar numbness That I think I force upon myself But I'm not sure I cannot distinguish who I am anymore Am I this shadow sleepwaking through life Because I drink myself to oblivion Or do I drink myself awake to forget the void inside?